The Show isn't over until the fat lady sings

And do I look like I'm singing? No

Do I look like a lady? No

Got a C. Got a grilling. Apparently I'm trying to recreate Versailles, even though I don't know what Classicism is. Never even been to Versailles. Jamie had his head in his hands when I was four words into my opening presentation. Those words were "Hi I'm Jackie Edwards".

Got marked down in the Masterplan crit for having typed annotations. Got marked down in the Final Crit for having handwritten ones. I think I compromised the overall quality by trying to tick all the boxes, and I don't think that was the right thing to do. So should you have all of the stuff just thrown together? or just half of it but have it printed in gold leaf or laid out by a professional graphic designer? I guess the right thing is to have ALL the stuff ALL perfectly done. Dur! Well if I've learned anything it's that I still don't know enough - and what I do know I can't express properly in words or pictures or even mime, which I was tempted to try at one point because I just couldn't find the words and my voice was shaking. I guess having half the stuff just thrown together isn't really an option.

Oh well, onwards and downwards. Talking to Katharina yesterday about a friend of hers who was a farmer, and she discovered after he had died that he had 3 degrees. I'm thinking of doing Philosophy next. Anyone care to join me? It might help me find meaning in my life after these last four years of torture.

Stopped off at my best buddy's for a celebratory glass of wine last night and she was so proud of me and full of congratulations, I felt bad about feeling so down! She said "knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and the most intractable failure is a million times better than never having tried". I can always rely on her to say the right thing at the right time and it's true - I'm proud of myself for even trying.

Not that I think it's a failure! It's not at all - I'm really pleased with myself to have come this far and still be in the game! And the feedback wasn't all negative, both said positive things about individual bits of the work, which I really appreciated. I think I'm just worn out and the crits always leave me feeling that maybe I shouldn't have given up my day job.

I'm sure when I've caught up on some sleep and re-established some sort of order at home (there's been a bit of anarchy while I've been otherwise engaged), I'll feel more like my old positive self.

I didn't get a chance to look at much of the other work- but what I saw was so impressive. Well done everyone - its an inspiration to me to see all that great stuff.

Well, I don't know about you lot, but I'm doing nothing now for the whole weekend. Stuff it - I deserve a break.
Seeya!